Top 5 Video Game Characters Getting Coal In Their Stockings This Year

2 years ago 498

It's the astir fantastic clip of the year: the holidays. If you're speechmaking this, I'm not astatine enactment close now, and it's great. My encephalon is happily escaped of thoughts astir video games, video crippled articles, and the radical who play and work both. I'm free. Free astatine last. Until January. 

But taking a a time oregon 2 disconnected besides means filling this website with the almighty drip of pre-written content. The wheels support turning, nary substance the time of the year, and arsenic a lowly idiosyncratic bee, I americium blessed to oblige the Game Informer CMS' never-ending request for listicles. 

So, what should we fertile this time? Really, it could beryllium anything. We don't enactment excessively overmuch thought into these – they're beauteous low-effort, moderate-to-high summation pieces. You conscionable travel up with a mates of bully buzzwords – thing at slightest a fewer 1000 radical volition click connected – propulsion a fewer 100 words astatine it, and you got yourself a list. Typically, you privation to taxable it astir thing timely to currency successful connected bully SEO oregon Twitter trends; thing a batch of radical are either looking for oregon talking about. 

I got it! Here are our apical 5 video crippled characters that would get ember successful their stockings this vacation season. 

5) Nathan Drake – The Uncharted Series

Everyone loves Nathan Drake; he's 1 of the astir iconic heroes successful Sony's ever-growing roster of triple-A games that are mostly boring to play. He's handsome, funny, charismatic, and if you've ne'er seen an Indiana Jones movie, helium seems similar a wholly unsocial and archetypal character. 

But underneath Drake's every-man veneer lies a deep, acheronian secret. 

He is virtually a wide murderer. Period. Point blank. The full happening astir Uncharted games is Nathan Drake and his merry set of idiots spell to a antithetic country, termination respective zip codes worthy of people, past bargain section past artifacts. In a mean filled to the brim with reprehensible behavior, Drake truly is simply a peculiar lawsuit here.  

An casual statement successful Drake's favour would beryllium that helium ne'er kills bully oregon guiltless radical – oregon astatine slightest not intentionally. I conjecture if you're doing intelligence gymnastics astatine an Olympic level, sidesplitting thousands of radical implicit the people of 1 abbreviated decennary is fine, truthful agelong arsenic they're "bad.”

What that doesn't excuse is the plundering of a nation's humanities artifacts. This is utterly appalling, and Drake should beryllium tried by the United Nations for his crimes against quality history. Our cognition of past civilizations' creation and exertion has been acceptable backmost untold decades by this feline trying to marque a speedy buck. Until Naughty Dog releases a DLC wherever Drake returns these artifacts to their rightful countries, past I garbage to instrumentality that workplace earnestly arsenic a video crippled storyteller. I'm sorry, I cognize that's harsh, but arsenic the bid stands now, I tin not place this irresponsible narrative.

Nathan Drake is simply a unspeakable person. You tin punctuation maine connected that. Put ember successful that man's stocking. 

Post-script: Did you play Uncharted 4? Drake's besides a unspeakable husband, bully God.

4) Trevor Phillips – Grand Theft Auto V

He's besides a wide murderer. 

3) 97.39845-percent of each characters successful modern triple-A games

They're each wide murderers! I don't privation to get governmental here, but I don't deliberation wide murderers are connected Santa's "Nice List." Sorry, but that's conscionable however I was raised. 

Now look, I americium not espousing the thought that video games origin real-world unit – that's a harmful thought regurgitated advertisement nauseam by right-wing pundits that some ignores existent probe and is reductive to video games arsenic an creation form. Nor americium I saying video games are excessively violent. I emotion violence. You tin punctuation maine connected that. 

What I'm saying is, erstwhile we're considering this database – and judge me, a batch of information has gone into it since I started penning it 7 minutes agone – if we're coming down connected characters similar Nathan Drake and Trevor Phillips for their propensity for wide murder, past we indispensable clasp each other, akin video crippled characters accountable arsenic well. If we privation video games to beryllium taken earnestly arsenic a medium, past we indispensable beryllium consenting to knock the creation signifier we love, clasp it to higher standards, and expect amended from it. 

This is wherefore I americium present to say: 97.39845-percent of each characters successful modern triple-A games are getting ember successful their stockings this twelvemonth during the holidays. Too galore atrocious boys retired determination connected the shelves of your section GameStop being excessively willy-nilly with guns, swords, bombs, and the such. Unfortunately for each of them, Santa is skipping their houses this year. 

(Full disclosure: Game Informer is owned by the GameStop corporation, however, our genitor institution had nary penetration into the rankings oregon evaluations contiguous successful this article) 

2) Cloud Strife – Final Fantasy VII

As my workfellow Jason Guisao truthful elegantly puts it:

1) Louse The Mouse – Daze Before Christmas

If you've made it this acold into this list, past this 1 should travel arsenic nary surprise. Of course, the video crippled quality Santa is skipping the astir this twelvemonth is Louse the Mouse from Funcom's landmark 1994 crippled Daze Before Christmas. 

I cognize I'm preaching to the choir present – everyone is ever saying this – but Louse is specified a small rat. Pun fully intended. This small lad of a weapon had the audacity to teardrop done the world's Christmas presents, casting a curse connected each the gifts. I curse if I could get my ain hands connected Louse the Mouse, for what I would do, you champion judge there'd beryllium ember successful my stocking this year, too. It makes my humor boil conscionable reasoning astir it.

Louse the Mouse is simply a menace to nine and a menace to the holidays. And therefore, helium earns the apical spot connected our database of video crippled characters astir apt to get ember successful their stockings. 

Was our database correct? It was! No request to permission a remark this time; we got it right. Have a bully holiday!

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